You know, it's funny, I often thought that people who blogged were a little selfish, thinking that other people would care what they had to say. A little ignorant of me, actually. I am realizing more and more that, in this ever growing world, it's a way to stay connected. A way to discover that we're not alone.
If I start writing about my good days, my bad days, my "a-ha" moments and my lessons - someone out there might be going through the same thing and realize that they are, well...normal.
About me...I hate this part. I am in my mid-30s, overweight and single.
Funny, I just defined "myself" as all superficial, appearance-based characteristics.
Let's try again....I am...wow, so many other things when I'm not stuck on the negatives!
What does define a person? Their roles, ideas, actions, dreams?
I am perfectly imperfect, I guess you could say. Lots of cool things about me, lots of areas to improve. I am very strong in some ways and very insecure in others. I suspect I am totally normal.
I completed my yoga teaching certificate almost a year ago. I love yoga. I love that when I'm on my mat I forget about my body shape, my financial situation, and all of the things I feel guilty for neglecting. When I'm on my mat all judgement, critical thought and negativity disappears.
In my practice, I know my limits, I recognize where I can improve without judgement, I am confident to try new things and not worry about failure. I have compassion and forgiveness for myself.
I would like these habits to carry into other areas of my life off the mat. Or rather, I would like to live the rest of my life like I do when I'm on the mat. Hence the name of this blog, and my future yoga studio.
However, like many (if not most) people, I am riddled with anxiety, and insecurities. I lack confidence, time and money. Like I said, I think pretty normal.
I wear my heart on my sleeve and I always look for the good in people. I do my best to not judge people and look at things from a place of compassion.
And yet I can't do that for myself. Anyone else have that problem? I let my appearance hold me back, that somehow because I'm carrying 50 extra pounds that I am under undeserving of attention or opportunity.
And yet when I see a beautiful woman carrying extra weight around I know that she has some pain somewhere buried and that she likely is busy and just hasn't figured out how to make herself a priority. How does one make oneself a priority when life doesn't stop?
I work full time downtown and then somehow the rest of my time gets eaten up with taking care of house, kid, groceries and pets. I don't seem to make myself a priority in there.
That's it for tonight. Thanks for reading.
C
